We were discussing the book It’s Not Who You Know… It’s Who You Train, which Oprah collaborated on with Bob Greene. It starts with “Oprah’s Story,” and she also wrote chapter introductions. The amount of impetus that she gained through association with him is incalculable, perhaps partly because it has been a learning process all around. With luck, nobody comes fully formed to any relationship. With more luck, and maybe one or two other conditions, a healthy relationship is beneficial to both parties.
Greene is quoted as saying, “Two of the most accepted ways to deal with stress are to overeat and be a workaholic.” And it sounds like Oprah had been doing both, for a long while. But even here, there is ambivalence. For many people, the workhorse lifestyle has its advantages. Labor is a socially acceptable displacement activity for excess brain energy, and is generally more beneficial than overeating.
The person’s health may suffer in either case, but at least a workaholic is probably able to keep up with the bills. But there is a catch. Displacement activity, even the culturally approved kind like overworking oneself, is not always helpful… not when it is the symptom of a problem which, sooner or later, some effort ought to be made to fix.
It had to end
Oprah had been falling back on what, if viewed in a certain light, might seem like the perfect excuse. For a long time, she simply believed she did not possess willpower, just like she didn’t have blue eyes or size 7 feet. Ever since Greene began to influence her life, Oprah was obliged to think about his questions like, “Why is food my drug of choice?”
But at some point, the cognitive dissonance must have become impossible to ignore. Perhaps one morning, she awakened to the stark reality that sometimes, two things simply cannot both be true at the same time. Eventually, this paradox would become impossible to ignore. There must have been a day when Oprah asked herself something like this: “Let’s face it, I am famous and wealthy and most gloriously loved. If I don’t possess willpower, then how did I accomplish so much in terms of tangible, recognizable, undeniable success?”
Maybe this opens up an entirely new realm of possibilities. Maybe having willpower is not enough. Maybe the whole issue of avoiding obesity isn’t even about willpower. Or maybe Oprah had as much willpower as anyone, but it just wasn’t being properly deployed. Or maybe, in this instance, willpower was basically not the right tool for the job.
When things don’t add up
In 1988, a slim version of her former self had told the worldwide audience, “If you can believe in yourself, and believe that this is the most important thing in your life… you can conquer it.” But four years later, her weight almost hit 240 pounds, so obviously, an element was still missing from the equation.
The international star had been working intensely for years on projects and programs, using her sharp mind and many talents, not only to further her own career but to help and honor hundreds of thousands of people in ways both tangible and inexpressible. Oprah was stepping up in a brave new role. Her relationship with the world was changing, and so was her relationship with herself.
In 2020 she took a gigantic step in a fresh direction by featuring someone other than herself on the cover of O, The Oprah Magazine. This was Breonna Taylor, the medical technician who had been killed by police under extremely dicey circumstances. It indicated a new direction.
It might be useful to understand some things about Oprah’s decision-making process and the values behind it and so forth. We also speculated on how the different vocabularies used in various academic disciplines could obscure the fact that sometimes, wise and learned people might be talking about the same thing, and possibly with basic agreement on some essential point, even on the verge of finding philosophical harmony — but language gets in the way.
When a huge number of people are in trouble for wanting what they want, such as to indulge an insatiable appetite; and if that seems to others to be an undesirable condition or outcome; then perhaps the trick is to figure out why the person wants what they want. Helping Oprah to decipher this vital matter might be the main function that mentor Bob Greene has served.
(To be continued…)
Your responses and feedback are welcome!
Source: “It’s Not Who You Know… It’s Who You Train,” ChicagoTribune.com, 08/19/21
Image by Gerald Mendoza/Attribution 2.0 Generic