Two More Brands of Seasonal Distress

Regardless of how many people want to pretend otherwise, the COVID-19 pandemic is not over. It’s not the once-pandemic or the former pandemic. It walks among us, sometimes disguised as our nearest and dearest. Which is why, for Woman’s Day, Alesandra Dubin quoted Dr. Caroline Leaf on preparing a family safety plan for the holidays:

It’s best to take as many precautions as possible when planning family and friend gatherings this holiday season. As different people face different risks and have different risk tolerances, I would recommend discussing your holiday plans with your loved ones as soon as possible to avoid extra tension…

Regarding social events, people would do well to think about adequate ventilation and air filtration. Is there a porch or patio or backyard where fresh air circulates freely? A host might want to lay in a supply of masks, plain or holiday-themed, and will surely provide hand sanitizer and plenty of paper towels. A guest might consider bringing along a few extra masks to share.

Grief

What segue could be smoother than the transition between COVID and grief? An awful lot of living people have lost relatives and friends. The tendency to overeat in the hope of achieving comfort is so common that the German language invented a word for it, Frustfressen, or frustration eating. There is also a word for the pounds acquired — Kummerspeck, or grief bacon. As we have seen, obese people are more susceptible to the virus and more difficult to treat. The virus not only kills people, it sets up a chain reaction designed to provide itself with more ripe victims.

Over the past months, the world has learned that children can catch COVID, as can healthy adults with no underlying conditions. Children have been orphaned and left with nobody really paying attention to what or how much they eat. The often-quoted Jessica Maharaj addressed the issue of grief over the holidays:

The anticipation of sadness may be stressful, but the holidays provide an opportunity for healing.

It is healthy to acknowledge your feelings and work through them, rather than suppressing them.

Don’t search for solace in unhealthy foods or alcohol.

Keep in mind that the loved ones you lost would want you to remember them fondly, to enjoy the holiday season, and to find comfort in having the family come together.

Some families routinely view old videos or even older photo albums, replete with reminders of relatives and friends who have passed away. Even without specific visual reminders, people tend to think back on the gatherings of former years, and feel the absence of the missing. When any type of mental illness is present in a family or friend group, coping can be even more difficult for everybody.

Maharaj urges us to accept our feelings, resist pressure to partake in traditions that bring pain, and look for and appreciate the good moments. Above all, as a solid base for everything else, we need to practice responsible self-care. Especially, we must be careful not to use the holidays as an excuse to break from helpful routines like taking supplements or doing a daily run. Needless to say, any measures recommended to people with particularly challenging situations can also be very helpful to those of us with just “routine” holiday stress.

Your responses and feedback are welcome!

Source: “40 Easy Tips for a Stress-Free Christmas,” WomansDay.com, 09/20/21
Source: “Avoiding Holiday Stressors,” NAMI.org, 12/03/18
Image by Ron Frazier/CC BY 2.0

Seasonal Stress in Two Flavors

The last few posts have been about seasonal stress, whose most obvious and apparent symptom is often overconsumption. The yearly profits of large corporations depend on inducing people to overeat and overdrink during the winter holidays. On the home front, the familial reputations of nephews and cousins depend on how convincingly they can assure older relatives that they really, truly do love fruitcake.

Adults who are nervous wrecks tend to abandon all sense of discretion about their food intake and to lose track of how much the children under their care are consuming. What the heck, it’s the tail end of a generally unsatisfactory year, and any joy that can be derived from chowing down on chocolate-covered cherries is well-deserved. That is what we tell ourselves, anyway, or some version of it. Ordinary self-deception does a lot of damage, and so does a painful condition that, fortunately, can be successfully treated, even by such remote means as telepsychiatry.

An old name and a new one

SAD, short for Seasonal Affective Disorder, was the old name. The new specific term is Major Depressive Disorder with a Seasonal Pattern. The changing of the season triggers chemical reactions in the brain and body, and the outcome is depression. Elizabeth Scott, Ph.D., wrote,

It’s a subtle but very real condition that can cast a pall over the whole season and be a source of stress and unhappiness during a time that people expect to feel just the opposite.

Jessica Maharaj has gathered several self-help options for the National Alliance on Mental Illness website. The point here is, anything that would alleviate such a serious condition could probably help just about anybody who gets slammed by the more widespread emotional storm engendered by the winter holidays. Here are the facts:

Hydration nourishes the brain and its physical effects can improve your overall mood.

[A]ny form of exercise will release endorphins, which can lessen the symptoms of depression.

[S]ocial interaction […] can help lessen the feelings of loneliness that may come around this time of year.

Taking a bath, having a warm drink or getting a massage can create a sense of calm and happiness.

[O]ver-indulging in unhealthy food around the holidays can negatively impact symptoms.

So, drink lots of water, and moisturize your skin, too. Do something pleasantly physical. Socialize with people whose presence improves your quality of life, and avoid the other kind. In the realm of calorie consumption, don’t trade short-term satisfaction for long-term regret. Move around, outdoors if possible, and take appropriate precautions against the coronavirus pandemic.

Your responses and feedback are welcome!

Source: “Managing the Seemingly Inevitable Holiday Season Stress,” VeryWellMind.com,01/15/21
Source: “Avoiding Holiday Stressors,” NAMI.org, 12/03/18
Image by Paul VanDerWerf/CC BY 2.0

Wide-Ranging Stress Defenses

There is general advice, and then there is specialized advice. For instance, the website MSFocus.org offers holiday season tips that are particularly helpful to people who suffer from multiple sclerosis, a potentially disabling and (so far) incurable autoimmune disease of the central nervous system. The wide variety of symptoms can ebb and flow for no discernible reason, and stress can certainly have a worsening effect. Any warning that can improve matters for people with such a serious and unpredictable illness will certainly help those with a relatively less severe stress reaction, like overeating. What kind of advice is given to MS patients?

An extreme degree of foresight is certainly helpful, especially when it comes to travel arrangements. Long trips and long waiting periods between stages of travel can be annoying to a healthy person. They can be excruciating for anyone who has trouble with such functions as balance, coordination, medication side effects, impaired vision, and general uncertainty about how seriously one’s symptoms might flare up within the next hours or days. Writer Matt Cavallo gives this advice:

If something isn’t on your list and you don’t think you can make it, just say no.

If something is outside your budget even though you think it would be a perfect gift, just say no.

If traveling for a holiday obligation leads to unwanted stress, just say no.

The extra piece of pie? Just say no.

These are precautions that work for everyone! So, in fact, does the advice collected by counselor Jessica Maharaj, tailored for people served by the National Alliance on Mental Illness. Make a budget, she suggests, and don’t forget to figure in shipping costs if you do your own gift-wrapping and packaging. Even if you are flying to visit someone, try not to carry gifts, but send them ahead of time or better yet, have the merchant send them.

Sew that pocket shut

Many therapists agree on the importance of curbing the impulse to overspend. You don’t want to be paying off Christmas bills until next December. Set a realistic budget ahead of time and adhere to it. Try giving something personal like a hand-painted greeting card, a poem, or a cute video greeting. Consider giving an experience instead of a thing. Tickets to something would be nice, in a normal year, anyway. The recipient could go to the event with you or with another person.

Designate a certain sum for spontaneous discretionary purchases, because “the holidays tend to bring out the generosity in us.” So, allow for that extra bit of giving spirit, and then stick to the number you allotted for it. And budget the personal appearance time, too. This year, saying no to massive hospitality is easier than ever, because a lot of people have learned to use software that does not require showing up in person.

The temptation to overcommit is huge but it can be resisted. When filling in the calendar, remember that your plans could be disrupted by surprise visitors, phone calls, emergency grocery runs, or foul weather. There are no guarantees.

Hit up the post-holiday sales for deals on cards, gift-wrap paper, ribbon, and any other accouterments you know you can use next year. This is a great opportunity to stock up on cut-rate candy canes, which last forever. Maharaj writes,

The reality is that potential hazards exist at every turn during the holidays. These situations can trigger heightened difficulties for people suffering from depression, anxiety, PTSD and other mental illnesses. The holidays can also introduce additional stressors such as complicated relationship dynamics at family gatherings, grief over losing a loved one or simply trying to live up to the unattainable expectations of the “perfect holiday.”

Next time, we will discuss in more detail the particular challenges faced by people who are also dealing with grief, Seasonal Affective Disorder, or fear of COVID-19.

Your responses and feedback are welcome!

Source: “5 Tips for Managing Holiday Stress with MS,” MSFocus.org, undated
Source: “Avoiding Holiday Stressors,” NAMI.org, 12/03/18
Image by Liz West/CC BY 2.0

Be the Change You Want to See

In a family or a friend group, the older humans influence the ones who haven’t been around for quite as long. That is simply how things are. The youngsters learn from us every minute of every day — how to solve problems, how to handle conflict, how to offer and ask for help, how to deal with frustration… how to navigate through stressful holidays without doubling our weight and ruining our health.

As we have seen, list-making and delegation are powerful tools. Their combined strength can be shown by creating an efficient roster of tasks and details to be offloaded into someone else’s responsibility basket. A lot of us feel like we have to compulsively clutch the reins at all times. Dr. Jennifer Barton has plenty to say about the wisdom of releasing our grip:

Many people will need to let go of the “if I want something done right, I have to do it myself” mentality or “I don’t want to bother anybody else.” You need to take a deep breath and just let go. Realize that when you delegate something, it’s now out of your hands — and that can be a good thing. As hard as it may seem, wait until the final product before judging how the delegation is going.

Excellent results might come from letting others demonstrate how competent and responsible they can be. Another choice that can be made about a task is: Delegate it to nobody. Toss is onto the pile of things you have decided will no longer be allowed to ruffle your majestic serenity.

How to catch a clue

Do you send out Christmas cards? Great. Must you make time to go to the post office for special Christmas stamps? No, that is not required. You can use any stamp of the correct denomination. Don’t worry, the world at large will not find out about your lapse. People may display your greeting card, but it is doubtful that they will hang up the envelope too.

If you just can’t get comfortable with omitting the seasonal postage stamps, make a deal with yourself: Skip it this year, and print it in capital letters at the top of next year’s list. In 2022, buying Christmas-themed stamps in a timely manner will be your first priority. What the heck, go ahead and promise the same for every succeeding year, too. Then relax and forget about it for 10 months, okay?

Here, from Jessica Maharaj, is a gem of a shopping tip that is valid all year round:

[T]ry to go during the day and park farther away from the stores. Your time in the sunlight walking to or from your car can boost your serotonin levels.

This habit will also, of course, help a lot if you happen to be trying for the recommended 10,000 steps per day.

Miscellaneous coping strategies

Nutrition counselors have handy suggestions like, during holiday time, keep sweets and alcohol out of your own home, because you know you will encounter plenty of them elsewhere. And make sure to get enough fiber, Vitamin C, and Vitamin B; for digestion, the immune system, and stress response, respectively.

Next: If you can possibly afford to, spare yourself the ordeal of putting together a thing. G. Gaynor McTigue, author of Why Make Yourself Crazy?, says if the assembly is required, deputize an experienced assembler, even if there is a fee. They can do it fast, they can do it correctly, they can do it in their sleep, and you can’t.

Your responses and feedback are welcome!

Source: “10 Tips to De-stress During the Holidays,” JacksonHealth.org, undated
Source: “Avoiding Holiday Stressors,” NAMI.org, 12/03/18
Source: “40 Easy Tips for a Stress-Free Christmas,” WomansDay.com, 09/20/21
Image by artistmac/CC BY-SA 2.0